Changed
by Forever Optimistic
Summary: [one-shot] Something about him changed that year. I noticed it immediately after boarding the Hogwarts Express for our seventh and final year at Hogwarts. As soon as I saw him cross the barrier I was prepared to lash back at him after his customary gree


I don't own Harry Potter, Hogwarts, or any of the other characters, and I definitely don't pretend to be J.K. Rowling.

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**CHANGED**

**one-shot**

Something about him changed that year. I noticed it immediately after boarding the Hogwarts Express for our seventh and final year at Hogwarts. As soon as I saw him cross the barrier between platforms 9 and 10, I prepared myself to lash back at him after his customary greeting of 'Will you go out with me Evans?' only it never came. I stood there at the entrance of the train, and he didn't even glance at me when he passed by. He was different. To my horror, he had been selected Head Boy that year and I was prepared to have to put him in his place when he decided he wasn't going to fulfill his duties all year. To my surprise however, he began the prefect meeting all on his own and it was obvious he really didn't need me there to begin with. He was the perfect Head Boy, and my disbelief must have shown because he looked at me after he finished giving everyone their instructions and he smiled. His crooked smile wasn't that of the cocky messy haired boy I had grown to loathe six years prior to that. It wasn't even the smile of the childish boy who had tormented me for so many years. It was the smile of a Head Boy who was silently asking for my approval. How could I deny him that? He was the perfect Head Boy.

I composed myself as quickly as only I could, and prepared myself for his usual juvenile antics aboard the train, but they never came either. He and the Marauders were model students for the entire trip and I couldn't understand why. Maybe they had finally grown up. Maybe they understood that James being Head Boy meant that they had to help him out and behave. A million questions ran through my mind, each one trying to figure out why James and the rest of the Marauders were so calm, so civilized. Of course none of my theories were correct. I soon found out through my best friend Joanne why James had been so subdued. He had lost his parents over the summer; Voldemort had killed them. I was shocked, and at a total loss for proper words. How could something that appalling happen to him of all people? How could Voldemort have killed one of the oldest pure-blooded families in the wizarding community? I realized then that James was no longer a boy. He was forced to become a man, and so far he was living up to the bill.

Classes began the way they had begun every year since my first. They were dull and long, and I quickly figured out that they wouldn't ever be the same. That year, I was able to sit through an entire lesson without the constant taunts and annoyances directed my way from the back of the classroom. James hadn't asked me out since the last time we saw each other on the platform at the end of our sixth year, and knowing that made me feel as if a little part of me had gone missing. I never thought I would see the day when I missed James Potter's attentions. I had become so accustomed to him asking me out on a date for so many years that having him not ask me out left me feeling alone and unwanted. Sure I had my fair share of suitors, but none of them ever made me feel so special. Although I would never publicly admit it, James made me feel different; like no other girl was like me. As much as he aggravated me with his constant lurking, his persistence amazed me. I must have turned him down at least twice a day everyday for the past six years and yet he still found it in himself to ask me out each and everyday after that. Something died inside of him our seventh year at Hogwarts. Something I thought I wanted. Well damn it all! I finally had what I had wanted for so many years, and it left me feeling empty.

I always prided myself with the top marks in every class; every class except Transfiguration of course, and therefore I always sat in the front row during lessons. My sudden interest in everything James Potter that year however, made me decide that I should sit at the back of the classroom with the Marauders. It was an experiment I was conducting, but halfway through the term I wasn't getting the results I had hoped for. Either James forgot he liked me, or he forgot I even existed. That really hurt. The only time he ever spoke to me was during prefect meetings and during our Head meetings. Even on the rare occasion that he spoke to me, he never really looked at me directly in the eyes. That above all else bothered me because for years I had been the one avoiding his gaze. During those long meetings I had to settle for staring at him when he wasn't paying attention or when he was hard at work. He really was something else and I regretted not seeing it before.

It's funny how I never noticed how extraordinarily good looking he was. I found out that year that I really didn't hate it when he ran his hand through his hair to make it look like he had just dismounted from his broom. He didn't really do it on purpose; he usually only did it when he was nervous or when he was lost in his thoughts. I also realized that I could lose myself in his beautiful hazel eyes. They were always filled with an emotion that I couldn't possibly begin to understand. They told a story of sadness, and of great loss. Whenever I looked into his eyes, I yearned to touch him. I longed to tell him that he could ask me out again and that I would give him a chance. I wanted him to know that I had been wrong about him all those years. I just wanted him to notice me again.

One evening after a particularly difficult Potions lesson, I took it upon myself to relieve some of the stress that had been building up throughout the day. I had always found comfort taking long walks by the lake and watching the squid bask under the cool breeze that meandered its way through the grounds in the late evenings. I particularly enjoyed going out there while the entire school was at dinner. I had been going out to the lake during dinner for so many years that it never occurred to me that anyone else would enjoy the solitude it provided. It wasn't until I was about to take a seat at my favorite spot by a giant oak tree that I noticed a lone figure just a few feet away from me. It was James, and he looked incredibly peaceful. I wasn't sure if I should go up to him because I didn't want to interrupt whatever he was thinking about, but my undying need to have him notice me again drove me to it. I slowly walked towards him and it wasn't until I was standing just a few inches away from him that I noticed his body tense up and his hand go up to his hair as he usually did when I was around.

"Good evening James," I said in a soft voice.

He turned his head so fast to face me that I was afraid I had said or done something wrong, and was prepared to run off full speed towards the castle. I soon realized that the expression on his face wasn't that of an angry person, it was one of a very surprised James Potter. It wasn't after he had silently stared at me for a few seconds that I realized I had used his first name. I had never referred to him by his first name, yet it felt so right. It felt as if I had been saying it my entire life.

"What did you say?" he finally asked in a hoarse whisper.

"I said good evening, but if you would rather I leave you alone, I will," I said and I hoped that he couldn't see my cheeks burning red.

"No I didn't mean it that way, it's just that you've never said my name before…" he said as he continued to look up at me with a look of total bewilderment.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I asked timidly.

"You want to…I mean, yeah, go ahead," he said as he shifted uncomfortably on the cold grass.

"So what are you doing out here when everyone else is inside having dinner?" I asked and I risked a glance at him. He was studying me and quickly looked away when he saw me look in his direction. I could tell he was really nervous because he didn't know what to do with his hands.

"I just fancied a bit of quiet time. You?" he asked as he picked up a rock and flung it at the lake.

"Same," I answered. There was a comfortable silence that followed my response. A silence that neither one of us was willing to disrupt. It was as if we were used to sitting side by side on a regular basis and it just felt so right.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked after a while.

I smiled at his question because I figured he would finally ask me out again. I was prepared to give him a chance when I turned to face him. I looked at him for a moment and saw an expression on his face that I had never seen before. He seemed to be fighting an internal battle and I was sure that he was fighting it hard. Any hopes of him asking me out again were shattered with just one glance at him. "Sure, go ahead," I responded swallowing the lump that had appeared in my throat when I first looked at him.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

Silence.

I unwillingly opened my mouth in shock. I had expected him to ask me why I was sitting with him. Hell, I even expected him to ask me something about our lessons, but I never expected him to ask me _that_. I hesitated for a moment before answering his question, and even then, I wasn't sure I could answer him properly.

"I don't hate you," I said as I forced myself to look at him again.

"Then what do you call it?" he asked and he hung his head.

I thought about it for a moment. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time I wasn't ready to let him know how I felt about him. "I don't call it anything. I just react to the situation in front of me," I answered trying to read the expression on his face as I continued. "You just happen to do some things that elicit the worst kind of reactions from me," I finished lamely.

"I just don't know what to do around you anymore" he said as he looked back up at me. "Everything I say and do seems to bring out the worst kind of reaction from you."

I was so embarrassed and taken aback by his answer that I had to look away. I had to force myself to calm my breathing because I felt as if he had just punched me full on and taken all the air out of me. I never knew I made him feel that way. I always figured he was just used to me turning him down and that he moved on.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I really did feel bad about the way I had treated him over the years, and I realized then that I had hurt him far more than I could have ever imagined. As much as he had aggravated me over the years, he didn't really deserve to be treated the way I had treated him for so many years. I had been too harsh.

"No, no, I'm not saying that to make you apologize," he exclaimed. "I'm just trying to figure out how to make you like me a little more," he said and he turned his body to face me. "You don't have to like me like a boyfriend or anything, just…as a friend."

A lone tear slid down my check at his last statement. I had been an awful, awful person. All he had ever wanted was for me to like him and I had unwillingly made him feel like he wasn't worth a thing to me.

"Oh damn! I didn't mean to make you cry!" he said. "I'm sorry Lily, please don't cry!"

He called me Lily. It sounded so perfect coming out of his mouth that it made me cry freely and there wasn't anything I could do to stop the tears from drenching my robes. He stood up and began pacing in front of me, shouting curses at himself. I was a complete wench. Not only had I managed to make him feel like dirt for so many years, but I had also succeeded in making him feel like the scum of the earth by letting him think that he had made me cry.

"James," I managed to choke out between sobs. He looked at me for a moment with a pained expression and slowly kneeled down in front of me.

"I'm really sorry Lily," he said in a defeated voice.

"Don't be silly, you don't have to apologize for anything," I said when I finally managed to get my sobbing under control. "It's me who should be sorry."

"What are you talking about; I'm the one who made you cry…"

"No James, you didn't," I said as I placed my hand on top of his. He looked at my hand and then slowly looked back up at me. "I'm sorry I've treated you so badly all this time. You didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you."

"No Lily, you don't have to apologize. I was a total git," he said as he ran his free hand through his hair again. "Remus was always getting on my case because I couldn't leave you alone and Sirius took to hexing me every time I told him how you had turned me down that day," he laughed. "I really should have backed off, and I'm really sorry about that."

"It's okay," I responded lightly squeezing his hand. "I guess I just didn't really believe that you were serious about me when you asked me out." His gaze was so intense that any other time I would have felt uncomfortable, but at that moment it made me feel complete. He must have sensed that something was different too because he sat down directly in front of me, making sure he didn't let go of my hand. He reached out to wipe my tears away, and I knew then that there wasn't anywhere else I would rather be.

"Lily?" he asked.

"James," I whispered.

"May I kiss you?"

The sincerity behind his question was enough to make me break out into another round of tears. He was so honest and I finally understood the emotion in his eyes. They no longer told a story of sadness and loss. They now told a story of hope and exhilaration. I slowly nodded my response and he smiled that crooked smile of his at me. As he closed the distance between us, I couldn't help but think of the first time I met him aboard the Hogwarts Express so many years ago. I knew then that I couldn't possibly get along with someone as loud and obnoxious as he was, but the moment I felt his lips touch mine, I knew that I could never live without him again. The kiss was so soft and gentle and he wasn't in any hurry. The hand that had been wiping my tears away was now cupping my cheek and I didn't even care that his hands were rough from playing Quidditch because they were his hands.

When he finally pulled away, he was smiling at me with a look to rival that of a three year old that just got away with having too much dessert. I could tell that he couldn't quite believe that he had gotten away with kissing me, and that he was probably wondering what had gotten into me. What he said next made me realize that he was still the same James Potter I had always known. He was just a better version.

"Remus and Peter are going to kill me for what I'm about to say next, and Sirius is sure to hex me as soon as I the words come out of my mouth, but would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?" he asked, and I saw for the first time a deep blush creep up to his face. He had just kissed me, and yet he was nervous about asking me out. I laughed out loud and he looked at me with a puzzled expression before he too began to laugh.

"I think I might take you up on that offer," I said and I looked down at the ground. I couldn't believe I was actually saying yes to him after so many years of turning him down. Apparently, he didn't believe I was saying yes either because he just sat there looking at me with a blank expression. It wasn't until I waved my hand in front of him that he came out of his stupor and jumped up so suddenly that I fell backwards in a fit of laughter. He ran circles around me yelling out nonsense before he stopped and threw himself beside me again.

"I never thought you would actually say yes," he said completely out of breath.

"And technically I didn't say yes. I only said I would take you up on your offer," I taunted.

"Tease," he said as he reached out to hold my hand.

"Yes, well I couldn't give up six years of snubbing you without so much as a fight. I have a reputation you know."

I looked deep into his eyes that time and I realized I never wanted to look away again. It wasn't fair that he had waited so many years for that moment. It wasn't fair that I had only gone through the same ordeal for a few weeks, but I think it worked out for the best at the end. I finally saw him for who he really was, and I was appreciative of the fact that he never gave up on me. Our second kiss that night was just as soft and just as sweet, but that time I instigated it. With that simple move, I changed our relationship forever.

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